2. A penny saved is a government oversight.

3. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

4. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

5. He who hesitates is probably right.

6. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

7. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

8. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he ‘s really in trouble..

9. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘ The ‘ and ‘ IRS ‘ together it spells ‘ THEIRS… ‘

10. Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Thanks Slick

the United States of America is the first (and to date only) nation based on an idea, rather than on geography or ethnicity. And not just any idea, but the highest ideals which the human mind can formulate: freedom, responsibility, self-reliance, equality of opportunity, individualism. And that to be patriotic in America is a shorthand way to declare one’s allegiance to these philosophical ideals.

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh…head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote… Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus and saw the car had an Obama sticker… We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired.. It’s important at our age.

Hat tip to the Slickmeister

“What is the difference between Osama Bin Laden and Barack Hussein Obama?  One is an anti-capitalist who hates America and wants to destroy Israel, and the other is hiding in Afghanistan.”  –Mark Klein

“All during his campaign, Obama’s claim to fame was that he was a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago. I was just on the South Side of Chicago – it ain’t too organized.”  –Drew Hastings

“The new Obama economy game show: “American Idle.” –Sam Griesbaum

“If we could harness the wind generated by Obama’s ears and mouth we would have energy independence!”  –Jeff Jena

“People were once comparing him (Obama) to Jesus Christ. On the economy he seems more like Moses; wandering around aimlessly, blaming everything on the Bush.” –Tim Slagle

“If you cast a ballot for Barack Obama are you voting Democrat or Demigod?” –Gregory Peterson

“He is called ‘Vice President Biden’ because the phrase “hot air balloon” was already taken.”  –Mark Klein

“Obama inspired class envy: The original green job.”  –Sam Griesbaum

Q. Why is Barack Obama running for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party didn’t have enough voters.  –Author Unknown

“In reaction to Iran launching a new missile and starting a nuclear reactor, President Obama is going to ratchet up the pressure. This time he is sending them a very strongly worded letter.”  –Jeff Jena

Obama puts the “dip” in Diplomacy.  –Sam Griesbaum

“Obama would have had an opinion on the gulf oil spill earlier but his prompter was in the shop.” –Jeff Jena

 ”President Obama announced $118 million in stimulus monies to increase high-speed Internet in Ohio. Presumably, so he can get all the bad news to us faster.”  –Drew Hastings

McDonalds has announced an addition to its menu: the Obama Happy Meal!   You order whatever you want to order off the menu and the guy standing behind you is forced to pay for it!

Why doesn’t President Obama go to church? Because his place of worship is a mirror.

If you’ve seen the commercial, you’ve heard the narrator exclaim: “He once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels. He lives vicariously through himself.”

Well, My buddy, Rudy Rudner, came back with a good one just for this occassion: “He once fathered 9 sons, just so he could have his own minyan.”