Archive for ◊ May, 2006 ◊

Why Ask Why
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006 | Author:

Things to Ponder…

1. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men? How do they check?

2. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?

3. Why could Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he always ducked when
someone threw a gun at him?

4. If it was a three hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes with her?

5. If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still
grow, only be troubled and insecure?

6. Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

7. What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?

Category: Humor  | Leave a Comment
West Bank Terrorist State
Monday, May 29th, 2006 | Author:

A recent editorial in the Wall Street Journal by R. James Woolsey, former Director of the CIA, is perhaps the best description that I have seen which concisely summarizes the situation in Israel.  Woolsey notes: “The approach Israel is preparing to take in the West Bank was tried in Gaza and has failed utterly… A two-state solution can become a reality when the Palestinians are held to the same standards as Israelis… Until then, three failures in 13 years should permit us to evaluate the wisdom of further concessions.”

Category: Politics  | Leave a Comment
Great Quotes from Albert Einstein
Saturday, May 27th, 2006 | Author:

These are courtesy of the Strange Cosmos web site:

1. “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results.”

2. “Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.”

3. “It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.”

4. “Human beings must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.”

5. “Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in
school.”

6. “Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”

7. “God does not play dice.”

8. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”

9. “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

Category: General  | Leave a Comment
Immigration Humor
Friday, May 26th, 2006 | Author:

Courtesy of Jay Leno…

1. Mexico President Vicente Fox is in the U.S. for four days. Well that’s how it always starts. Four days, then three weeks, then four months.

2. Fox was greeted with a traditional American welcome when he arrived here. He was offered a job at Wal-Mart

3. Mexico President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. today. It’s official he’s the last one. Turn off the lights. They are all here now…don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

4. The Senate voted 63-34 to make English the official language of the United States. They say it’s a largely symbolic amendment with no real effect. You know like the congressional ethics bill.

5. I saw something very disturbing coming into work this morning on the freeway. A van coming from Mexico, 45 people crammed inside it. They weren’t illegals, its just gas is so expensive they were carpooling.

6. President Bush says that massive deportation is not reasonable. Why not? Mexico did it!

Category: Humor, Politics  | Leave a Comment
Michigan: Liberals, Moslems, Football
Thursday, May 25th, 2006 | Author:

As an Ohio native and a graduate of the Ohio State University, I essentially grew up with a strong dislike of the “smell” up north with the second-rate football team known as the Michigan Wolverines.  In addition, it was the University of Michigan that pushed all the way to the US Supreme Court for the institutionalization of Affirmative Action.  Add to that the fact that Detroit is a hot-bed for Moslem extremism in the United States, and you have more than enough to conclude that Michigan is not for people with rational minds…  Now, we get to add to this mess: According to the Detroit Free Press, the Michigan Department of Education wants to ban the use of the word “America” and “American”… 

Michigan: Liberals, Moslems, Second-Rate Football Team, and Politically Correct Bureaucrats.

Category: Politics  | One Comment
Four US Presidents & The Wizard of Oz
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 | Author:

This is humor sent to me by Mark Clower…

Four US Presidents are caught in a  tornado, and off they whirled to the Land of Oz.

 tornado.jpg

They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. 

 wizard.jpg

“What brings you before the great wizard of Oz?”

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I’ve come for some courage.” 

carter.jpg

“It may be difficult but I will make it happen!” says the Wizard.

“Who is next?”  Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well……., I….I think I need a heart.”

reagan.jpg

“Done,” says the Wizard.

“Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?”

Up steps George Bush sadly and says, “I’m told by the American people that I need a brain.”

 bush.jpg

“No problem!” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”

There is  a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “What do  you want?”

 clinton.jpg

Category: Humor  | One Comment
For the Lexophiles
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 | Author:

Another good source of humor from Sam Greenwood…

1. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

2. A backward poet writes inverse.

3. Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

4. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

5. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

6. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

7. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

8. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

9. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

10. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

11. Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Category: Humor  | Leave a Comment
More Chinese Pirating of IP
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 | Author:

Pirated copies of ”The Da Vinci Code” appeared on the streets of China’s capital on Tuesday, hot on the heels of its general release in China.  The Associated Press article notes that when Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao was asked about China’s compliance with piracy laws, he said, ”We’ve made a lot of efforts”… These folks will use every means possible to assail the world leadership of the United States.

Category: General  | Leave a Comment
NBA Timeouts – Interruptions to Excitement
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 | Author:

Josh Levin writes an interesting story in Slate about his exasperation with the use of timeouts during NBA games. He specifically mentions the Monday night Mavericks-Spurs overtime game (that I stayed up to watch), where he notes, “I’ll give it to you straight, sleepyheads: Reading about it was a lot more fun than watching it… In the game’s final moments, there were nearly as many timeouts (six) as field goals (seven). If this is as good as basketball gets, please run 2,000 volts through my recliner.”

Category: Sports  | Leave a Comment
Modern Supermarket
Saturday, May 20th, 2006 | Author:

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic mist machine to keep the produce fresh. Just before it mists the vegetables, you hear the sound of a  thunderstorm.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle.

So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

Category: Humor  | Leave a Comment