Archive for ◊ August, 2008 ◊

Motivational Slogans for the Office
Sunday, August 31st, 2008 | Author:

More goodies from StrangeCosmos:

1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
2. We put the “k” in “kwality.”
3. If something doesn’t feel right, you’re not feeling the right thing.
4. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity…probably has a scapegoat.
6. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
9. Teamwork…means never having to take all the blame yourself.
10. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
11. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
12. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
13. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
14. You pretend to work, and we’ll pretend to pay you.
15. Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.

Category: Business, Humor  | Leave a Comment
Russian Paradise
Sunday, August 31st, 2008 | Author:

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.”

“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”

“No way! They have no clothes and no shelter,” the Russian points out, “They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian.”

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Oh God!
Saturday, August 30th, 2008 | Author:

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

“Oh Darwin! Oh Darwin!”

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Starting the Day with a Positive Outlook
Saturday, August 30th, 2008 | Author:

Follow these six easy steps:

1. Create a new file in your computer.

2. Name it ‘Barack Hussein Obama’.

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your computer will ask you: ‘Do you really want to get rid of ‘Barack Hussein Obama?’

6. Click ‘Yes.’

Doesn’t that Feel Better?

Hat tip to Todd Imwalle

Category: Humor, Politics  | Leave a Comment
SR-71 Blackbird: Insider’s Story
Friday, August 29th, 2008 | Author:

The article below is a great inside story about the high-flying SR-71 Blackbird.  Thanks to Joe Knecht for forwarding…

In April 1986, following an attack on American soldiers at a Berlin disco, President Reagan ordered the bombing of Muammar Qaddafi’s terrorist camps in Libya. My duty was to fly over Libya and take photos recording the damage our F-111’s had inflicted. Qaddafi had established a ‘line of death,’ a territorial marking across the Gulf of Sidra , swearing to shoot down any intruder that crossed the boundary. On the morning of April 15, I rocketed past the line at 2,125 mph.  I was piloting the SR-71 spy plane, the world’s fastest jet, accompanied by a Marine Major (Walt), the aircraft’s reconnaissance systems officer (RSO).  We had crossed into Libya and were approaching our final turn over the bleak desert landscape when Walt informed me that he was receiving missile launch signals. I quickly increased our speed, calculating the time it would take for the weapons — most likely SA-2 and SA-4 surface-to-air missiles capable of Mach 5 — to reach our altitude.

sr-71-in-flight.jpgsr71-in-museum.jpgsr71-speed-map.jpgsr-71-revetment.jpg

I estimated that we could beat the rocket-powered missiles to the turn and stayed our course, betting our lives on the plane’s performance. After several agonizingly long seconds, we made the turn and blasted toward the Mediterranean.  ‘You might want to pull it back,’ Walt suggested.  It was then that I noticed I still had the throttles full forward. The plane was flying a mile every 1.6 seconds, well above our Mach 3.2 limit. It was the fastest we would ever fly. I pulled the throttles to idle just south of Sicily, but we still overran the refueling tanker awaiting us over Gibraltar.

Scores of significant aircraft have been produced in the 100 years of flight. Aircraft such as the Boeing 707, the F-86 Sabre Jet, and the P-51 Mustang are among the important machines that have flown our skies. But the SR-71, also known as the Blackbird, stands alone as a significant contributor to Cold War victory and as the fastest plane ever.  Only 93 Air Force pilots ever steered the ‘sled,’ as we called our aircraft.

The SR-71 was the brainchild of Kelly Johnson, the famed Lockheed designer who created the P-38, the F-104 Starfighter, and the U-2. After the Soviets shot down Gary Powers’ U-2 in 1960, Johnson began to develop an aircraft that would fly three miles higher and five times faster than the spy plane… and still be capable of photographing your license plate.  However, flying at 2,000 mph would create intense heat on the aircraft’s skin.   Lockheed engineers used a titanium alloy to construct more than 90 percent of the SR-71, creating special tools and manufacturing procedures to hand-build each of the 40 planes.  Special heat-resistant fuel, oil, and hydraulic fluids that would function at 85,000 feet and higher also had to be developed.

In 1962, the first Blackbird successfully flew, and in 1966, the same year I graduated from high school, the Air Force began flying operational SR-71 missions.  I came to the program in 1983 with a sterling record and a recommendation from my commander, completing the weeklong interview and meeting Walt, my partner for the next four years He would ride four feet behind me, working all the cameras, radios, and electronic jamming equipment. I joked that if we were ever captured, he was the spy and I was just the driver. He told me to keep the pointy end forward.

We trained for a year, flying out of Beale AFB in California , Kadena Airbase in Okinawa, and RAF Mildenhall in England. On a typical training mission, we would take off near Sacramento, refuel over Nevada, accelerate into Montana, obtain high Mach over Colorado, turn right over New Mexico, speed across the Los Angeles Basin, run up the West Coast, turn right at Seattle, then return to Beale. Total flight time: two hours and 40 minutes.

One day, high above Arizona, we were monitoring the radio traffic of all the mortal airplanes below us.  First, a Cessna pilot asked the air traffic controllers to check his ground speed. ‘Ninety knots,’ ATC replied.   A Beech Bonanza soon made the same request.  ‘One-twenty on the ground,’ was the reply.  To our surprise, a navy F-18 came over the radio with a ground speed check. I knew exactly what he was doing. Of course, he had a ground speed indicator in his cockpit, but he wanted to let all the bug-smashers in the valley know what real speed was ‘Dusty 52, we show you at 620 on the ground,’ ATC responded.  The situation was too ripe. I heard the click of Walt’s mike button in the rear seat.  In his most innocent voice, Walt startled the controller by asking for a ground speed check from 81,000 feet, clearly above controlled airspace.  In a cool, professional voice, the controller replied, ‘ Aspen 20, I show you at 1,982 knots on the ground.’

In time, we realized we were flying a national treasure. When we taxied out of our revetments for takeoff, people took notice. Traffic congregated near the airfield fences, because everyone wanted to see and hear the mighty SR-71 You could not be a part of this program and not come to love the airplane. Slowly, she revealed her secrets to us as we earned her trust.

One moonless night, while flying a routine training mission over the Pacific, I wondered what the sky would look like from 84,000 feet if the cockpit lighting were dark. While heading home on a straight course, I slowly turned down all of the lighting, reducing the glare and revealing the night sky.  Within seconds, I turned the lights back up, fearful that the jet would know and somehow punish me. But my desire to see the sky overruled my caution, I dimmed the lighting again. To my amazement, I saw a bright light outside my window. As my eyes adjusted to the view, I realized that the brilliance was the broad expanse of the Milky Way, now a gleaming stripe across the sky.

Where dark spaces in the sky had usually existed, there were now dense clusters of sparkling stars. Shooting stars flashed across the canvas every few seconds. It was like a fireworks display with no sound.  I knew I had to get my eyes back on the instruments, and reluctantly I brought my attention back inside. To my surprise, with the cockpit lighting still off, I could see every gauge, lit by starlight. In the plane’s mirrors, I could see the eerie shine of my gold spacesuit incandescently illuminated in a celestial glow. I stole one last glance out the window. Despite our speed, we seemed still before the heavens, humbled in the radiance of a much greater power.  For those few moments, I felt a part of something far more significant than anything we were doing in the plane. The sharp sound of Walt’s voice on the radio brought me back to the tasks at hand as I prepared for our descent.

The most significant cost was tanker support, and in 1990, confronted with budget cutbacks, the Air Force retired the SR-71.  The SR-71 served six presidents, protecting America for a quarter of a century. Unbeknownst to most of the country, the plane flew over North Vietnam , Red China, North Korea , the Middle East, South Africa , Cuba , Nicaragua , Iran , Libya , and the Falkland Islands. On a weekly basis, the SR-71 kept watch over every Soviet nuclear submarine and mobile missile site, and all of their troop movements. It was a key factor in winning the Cold War.

I am proud to say I flew about 500 hours in this aircraft. I knew her well. She gave way to no plane, proudly dragging her sonic boom through enemy backyards with great impunity. She defeated every missile, outran every MiG, and always brought us home. In the first 100 years of manned flight, no aircraft was more remarkable.  The Blackbird had outrun nearly 4,000 missiles, not once taking a scratch from enemy fire.

Category: Business, Engineering  | One Comment
Screw in a Light Bulb
Friday, August 29th, 2008 | Author:

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. Men will screw anything.

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Crazy Dreams
Thursday, August 28th, 2008 | Author:

A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder.

“I am so obsessed with my mother…As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, and all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.”

The psychiatrist replies, “What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?”

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Cincinnati – Sports Wilderness
Thursday, August 28th, 2008 | Author:

You may have seen my recent rant about the Cincinnati Bungals… well, guess what?  I’m not the only one who recognizes the futility of sports teams in Cincinnati.  A recent issue of Forbes magazine rated Cincinnati as one of the 5 worst cities to be a sports fan…

Category: Sports  | Leave a Comment
Old Man at the White House
Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 | Author:

One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he’d been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, ‘I would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama.’  The Marine replied, ‘Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn’t reside here.’

The old man said, ‘Okay,’ and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, ‘I would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama’.

The Marine again told the man, ‘Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn’t reside here.’ The man thanked him and again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying ‘I would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama’

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, ‘Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I’ve told you already several times that Mr. Obama is not the President and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?’

The old man answered, ‘Oh, I understand you fine. I just love hearing your answer!’

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, ‘See you tomorrow, Sir!”

Hat tip to Sam Greenwood

Category: Humor, Politics  | Leave a Comment
Maximum Brain Power in One Location
Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 | Author:

I came across an article about the 1927 Solvay International Conference on Physics. This conference brought together the world’s most notable physicists (Schrodinger, Heisenberg, Bohr, Planck, Curie, Einstein, etc. — see thumbnail below).   To give you an idea of the amount of brain power, 17 of the 29 attendees were or became Nobel Prize winners.   From all of my years of studying about Einstein, Bohr, and Heisenberg, I never knew that they had all gathered together at a single location.

At the conference, Albert Einstein and Niels Bohr got into a “brain duel”.  Evidently, Einstein wasn’t crazy about Heisenberg’s “Uncertainty Principle,” and Al remarked “God does not play dice.” Bohr replied, “Einstein, stop telling God what to do.”

solvayconference1927.jpg

Category: Business, Engineering  | One Comment