Archive for ◊ February, 2009 ◊

Don’t Mess with the Marines
Saturday, February 28th, 2009 | Author:

Here’s an interesting story from Mark Clower…

All aircraft in the Persian Gulf are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute ‘heads up’ if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination… An American commercial airline pilot overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai UAE. The conversation went like this:

Iranian Air Defense Radar: ‘Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.’

Air Defense Radar: ‘You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send ’em up, I’ll wait!’

Air Defense Radar: (no response … total silence)

f-18.jpg

Category: Humor, Politics  | Leave a Comment
Affirmative Action Interview
Friday, February 27th, 2009 | Author:

Here is a cute skit from MAD TV that is intended to be humorous, but illustrates how crazy the affirmative action world has become…

 [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYYAvPjNmYY[/youtube]

I think I’ve actually interviewed candidates similar to this woman…

World’s Shortest Joke
Friday, February 27th, 2009 | Author:

stickfig1.jpg

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
“Mom”, he asked, “Are these my brains?”
“Not yet”, she replied.

Hat tip to Slick

Category: Humor  | Leave a Comment
New Stock Market Terms
Thursday, February 26th, 2009 | Author:

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET – a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

Hat tip to Slick

Update – A recent Zogby poll of US citizens indicates that most Americans believe small business, science and tech leaders will lead the U.S. to a better future – not the news media, government or large corporations. Nearly two-thirds of Americans (63%) said small business and entrepreneurs will lead the U.S. to a better future, while 52% said the same of science and technology leaders.

Anyone know of any small businesses involved in technology… tap, tap,…

Feb 24, 2009 – An interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about the importance of the entrepreneur to the US economy… A few extracts:

Missing from this legislation is anything more than token support for the long-proven source of most new jobs and new growth in America: entrepreneurs. These are the people who gave us everything — from Wal-Mart to iPhones, from microprocessors to Twitter — that is still strong in our economy. Without entrepreneurs, we will never get out of our current predicament.


At its best, the stimulus legislation is an immensely expensive attempt to restore what the U.S. economy has lost in the last few months. But the world is already moving on. The only way the American economy is going to regain its lost health and vitality is to lead the world into the future. Entrepreneurs are the only people who can get us there.

Amen

Tennis Player Loses Shoe During a Match
Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 | Author:

Tennis great, Pete Sampras, loses his shoe during a point in an exhibition match against Tommy Haas at the SAP Open in San Jose…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tdDB6uyZCM[/youtube]

50 sec

Category: Sports  | Leave a Comment
Golf Fanatics
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 | Author:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.

One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, we were married for 35 years.”

Category: Humor, Sports  | Leave a Comment
Good Quotes about Education
Monday, February 23rd, 2009 | Author:

More goodies from StrangeCosmos:

“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.” – Mark Twain

“Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.” – B.F. Skinner

“The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving.” – Russell Green

“Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theater.” – Gail Godwin

Great Quotes about the O’bama Economy
Sunday, February 22nd, 2009 | Author:

“A people who are possessed of the spirit of commerce, who see and who will pursue their advantages, may achieve almost anything.” – George Washington

“The principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.” – Thomas Jefferson

“Never have so few spent so much so quickly to do so little.” – Tom Cole

“If we do not move swiftly, an economy that is in crisis will be faced with catastrophe. Millions more Americans will lose their jobs. Homes will be lost. Families will go without health care. Our crippling dependence on foreign oil will continue. That is the price of inaction.” – Barack Obama

“The idea that even the brightest person or group of bright people, much less the U.S. Congress, can wisely manage an economy has to be the height of arrogance and conceit. Why? It is impossible for anyone to possess the knowledge that would be necessary for such an undertaking.” – Walter E. Williams

“Fear is the foundation of most governments; but it is so sordid and brutal a passion, and renders men in whose breasts it predominates so stupid and miserable, that Americans will not be likely to approve of any political institution which is founded on it.” – John Adams

“You don’t make the poor richer by making the rich poorer.” – Winston Churchill

“When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it.” – Frederic Bastiat

“Mr. Obama is now endorsing a sort of reductionist Keynesianism that argues that any government spending is an economic stimulus.” – Wall Street Journal

“I think this is the introduction to a disaster. We’re going to face a big inflation. Everybody talks about how much we need to do now. But no one talks about how we’re going to unwind what we’re doing now. Keynesian theory is wrong. It doesn’t work.” – Allen Meltzer

“How do you tell a Communist? Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It’s someone who understands Marx and Lenin.” – Ronald Reagan

“Many actually believed Obama’s own hype. This was the moment for this, that and the other thing. This was the time when we, as Americans, were going to have our cake and eat it too. Future generations were going to look back and remember how Republicans and Democrats, cats and dogs, Klingons and Romulans came together and marched to the sunny uplands of history, where shopping carts have no wobbly wheels; airplane food is free, delicious and filling; and we get all of our energy from 100 percent renewable Loch Ness Monster poop.” – Jonah Goldberg

“If Congress can do whatever in their discretion can be done by money, and will promote the General Welfare, the Government is no longer a limited one, possessing enumerated powers, but an indefinite one….” – James Madison

“I got a little muddled over two adjoining newspaper clippings — one on the stimulus, the other on those octuplets in California — and for a brief moment the two stories converged. Everyone’s hammering that mom — she’s divorced, unemployed, living in a small house with parents who have a million bucks’ worth of debt, and she’s already got six kids. So she has in vitro fertilization to have eight more. But isn’t that exactly what the Feds have done? Last fall, they gave birth to $850 billion of bailout they couldn’t afford and didn’t have enough time to keep an eye on, and now, four months later, they’re going to do it all over again, but this time they want trillionuplets. Barney and Nancy represent the in vitro fertilization of the federal budget. And it’s the taxpayers who’ll get stuck with the diapers.” – Mark Steyn

“The economy is so bad right now Barack Obama’s new slogan is ‘Spare Change You Can Believe In.” – Jay Leno

More Old Man Humor
Sunday, February 22nd, 2009 | Author:

 oldman.jpg

An old man goes into a drug store and says
‘Can I have 6 Viagra tablets, cut in quarters?’

‘I can cut them for you’ said Dan the pharmacist ‘
But a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. ‘

‘I am 96’ said the old man. ‘I don’t want an erection.
I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t pee on my slippers.’

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