This sums it up rather nicely…
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a Virgin”.
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, husband #1 was a Salesman; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
“Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.
“Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
“Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
“Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
“Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
“Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a Product, he was never sure how to position it…
“Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
“Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
“Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it….. God I miss him.
“But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited”.
“Wonderful”, said the husband, “but why?
“You’re with the GOVERNMENT; This time I KNOW I’M gonna get screwed.”
Finally somebody explained Politics to me… Right or Left doesn’t matter… It is really up or down in politics.
When top-level people look down, they see only shit-heads.
When the bottom-level people look up, they see only assholes.
You will never see another chart that describes politics so clearly.
Hat tip to Slick
An Italian woman was leaving a coffee shop with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 60 women walking single file.
The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the Italian woman walking the dog and said: “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s.”
“What happened to him?”
“He yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed him.”
She inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”
The Italian woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A very poignant and touching moment of Italian sisterhood and silence passed between the two women…
“Can I borrow the dog?”
The woman replied, “Get in line.”
Hat tip to Joe K
I attended the Dayton Demonz hockey game Sunday afternoon, and at first I could not figure out why our 35 and 5 (wins and losses) team was struggling… until I discovered that they were competing with only 6 offensive players and 4 defensemen.
Most professional teams carry twice as many players (at least enough for 3 full lines). It’s tough to play with only two lines in recreational hockey much less at the pro level… evidently the Demonz have 7 players hurt, suspended, or called up to higher leagues.
As you can imagine, the Dayton players looked awfully tired during their first home loss of the season.