of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were la te for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)
of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
of Physical Appearance
If the shoe f its, it’s ugly.
of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
of being sick
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.