Funny Things to Say to a Waiter

1. “Can you tell me yesterday’s specials, please? I have a time machine.”

2. “I need to speak to the manager. No, the service was fine, but she won’t let me see my kids.”

3. “Can you recommend a Merlot that would go well with a bottle of sleeping pills?”

4. “Excuse me, is your chef of pure Aryan blood?”

5. “That steak was so soft and tender! Do you think it came from a gay cow?”

6. “I think I’m going to need a table close to the toilets.”

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