1. Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money? – Tom Armstrong
2. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. – Shirley Temple
3. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. – Victor Borge
4. I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark. – Dick Gregory
5. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking? – Arlo Guthrie
6. I played Santa Claus many times, and if you don’t believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives. – Groucho Marx