You Know You’re Old When…

– In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
– Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
– No one expects you to run into a burning building.
– People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
– People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
– There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
– You can eat dinner at 4:00
– You can live without sex but not without glasses.
– You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
– You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
– You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
– You got cable for the weather channel.
– You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
– You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
– You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
– You sing along with the elevator music.
– Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
– Your back goes out more than you do.
– Your ears are hairier than your head.
– Your eyes won’t get much worse.