Humor from my buddy, Slick…
- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.
- When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
- The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.