Installing a home security system in West Virginia:
1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of well-used men’s work boots, size 14.
2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put a couple of extra large dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a handwritten note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba! Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me went for more ammo….be back in about 1 hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls–they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all the dogs in the house. Just wait outside til we get back. – Cooter
Hat tip to Slick