This is the best advice I’ve heard for a redneck-style home security system (Hat tip to Sam Greenwood):
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with copies of Guns & Ammo Magazine and some back-issues of NRA magazine.
3. Put several giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines (Include a Deer thigh-bone if available).
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey! Duke, Big Jim, Slammer, Slim, and I went for more hollow-point ammo. Back in an Hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls — they attacked the mailman this Morning and they messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in It. Thank God! It was hard to tell, though, from all the blood. Took Bobbi-Jo hours to clean up the sidewalk. Anyways, I locked all four of them Dogs up in the house. Better wait outside. They’re kinda spooked. We be right back, Bubba.