Job Descriptions in the Real World

Programmer – someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Consultant – someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

Banker – a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Economist – an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

Statistician – someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Actuary – someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

Mathematician – a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.

Lawyer – a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”

Psychologist – a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

Schoolteacher – a disillusioned person who used to think they liked children.

Diplomat – someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

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