Programmer – someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
Consultant – someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Banker – a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Economist – an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Statistician – someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
Actuary – someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Mathematician – a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.
Lawyer – a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”
Psychologist – a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Schoolteacher – a disillusioned person who used to think they liked children.
Diplomat – someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.