Things Learned The Hard Way

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

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